Are We Even Compatible For Marriage?
Just getting some thoughts out...
Compatibility is one of the main things I desire from a wife. I've always envisioned my home to be a sanctuary where I can decompress from the outside world and have a safe space to vent, speak my mind, and be free. For this reason, I have desired a wife who has a similar mindset as me, similar personality, shares similar views and opinions. I'm not expecting her to agree with me on absolutely everything, but I would prefer that our outlook on life is close enough to where I don't feel like a mental prisoner in my own home. I refuse to be the guy who has to go to the bar and get drunk before he walks inside of his own house or step outside of his marriage because his "wife" doesn't give him any peace.
When God created Adam, "He said, it's not good that the man should be alone, I will make him an help meet for him." So, God's purpose for creating the woman (or wife) was for man to have two things: companionship and help. I've always envisioned this help as someone helping me strengthen the vision and purpose for my life. Basically, I've envisioned someone who can enhance my strengths and be an asset and not a liability.
Well, lately, I've found myself interested in a woman, from a distance. I have been (and still am) praying regarding the prospect of pursuing her. She has absolutely amazing qualities. She's comfortable in her own skin, extremely radiant, has a feminine aesthetic, is beautiful inside and out, loves to cook, loves to garden, has work ethic, and has a sense of humor. So what's the problem?
Well, the more I stalk (I mean, study) this woman, I realize that we are different in so many ways. She appears to be very optimistic, while I am a staunch realist (basically, a pessimist). She hold things like life coaching and formal education in high regard, while I think both are overrated and usually a glorified Ponzi scheme. Some of her biggest life coaching inspirations are people that I think are full of bologna. I'm not sure if our politics and views on social issues fully align. And even though we are both Christians who desire to help people, she seems to be more focused on self-love and compassion, while I am more about self-denial and correction. She seems to really love and enjoy life, while, even though I am grateful to be alive, I'd be totally fine with checking out of here and going to heaven.
Under normal circumstances, I would write these differences off as incompatibility. However, I am beginning to see things through a different lens. I'm not sure if God is doing something new in me or if I really like this girl and am trying to make it work. But, could it be that everything I see as incompatibility is actually what makes us compatible?
What I mean, is that, perhaps, the help that I need as a man is not to strengthen the areas where I'm already strong, but rather, to strengthen the areas where I am most deficient. Maybe it's necessary for me to have a more optimistic outlook on life. Maybe I need to be able to show more love and compassion when it comes to ministry. Maybe there is some benefit to what life coaching, self improvement, and self-love can offer.
I am opening up to the idea that maybe the best asset to my life is someone who happens to have a totally different approach to life. It doesn't mean that one outlook is right or wrong, but perhaps there is a balance that the Lord wants for our lives; a balance that can only come when the masculine and feminine avatars work together in harmony.
Two Are Better Than One
Another concern is that she is a career woman. Every functional adult should be operating in some sort of career, so what do I even mean by that term? Well, what I mean is that her career and business ventures seem to be at the forefront of her priorities, and she is extremely ambitious and goal oriented. This is usually a red flag for me, not because "women shouldn't have careers" or anything like that; but because I have to factor in how much a woman can actually help my program if she has an entire program of her own. This would lend itself to more of a partnership or power couple than my ideal framework of marriage.
However, even in that, I can see how her business acumen and organization skills could benefit me tremendously. There's nothing I loathe more than handling anything having to do with business, paperwork, or administration. I have goals, but I am not very organized at managing them. I am extremely deficient in this area. However, with the calling I have on my life, I would benefit greatly from someone who excels in this area.
I could go on and on about other potential issues such as location, family dynamics, views on children, age differences, callings on life, etc. However, I just wanted to explore the idea that sometimes compatibility can be less about similarities and more about differences. These differences allow men and women to compliment one another. When you think of a puzzle piece, it usually has a side that is really prominent and sticks out (strengths), but there's also another side that usually has a hole where something else is supposed to fit (deficiencies). Maybe she is my other piece of the puzzle, my rib. Or, maybe I'm just trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. Time will tell.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.