THE WEIGHT OF WHATEVER IT WAS
We all go through seasons that are heavy and burdensome to our souls. Sometimes, it seems like we just are not going to make it. The Lord had me to reflect on my life and some recent struggles and then He brought to my memory times He had lifted “the weight of whatever it was” from my soul.
The other day on SOLID Talk, my brother talked about how it feels when we feel like giving up. I know that feeling. It came upon me as of late, but my most recent bout with this attack on my soul’s hope came with a deeper revelation of God’s beautiful grace and provision. Yeah family, I’m out here thinking again. LOL.
Recently, some days of frustration and despair ended with me professing to the Lord, “Lord, I can’t do this by myself. If You choose to leave me here without support for my soul, then I give up. I will get in my bed, lay there, and stay there until You come get me. I’m done. I can only do so much without being poured into and you know that better than anyone. I can no longer pour out. Do with me what You will.” It was not an ultimatum. It probably sounds like a holy tantrum, okay. It was just the truth, pure and simple. I could not go another step. I suppose He loves the truth, authentic with no filter or pretense because He blessed my soul not long after. I awoke to realize that “the weight of whatever it was”—was gone. Not only did I realize that, but I recognized a pattern. I’d been here, in this place a few times before, and, each time I’d reached the end of myself, the Lord came in and lifted “the weight of whatever it was” from my soul—and when I awoke, it was as if it had never been there in the first place. My Father is consistent and faithful like no other. He is consistent and faithful like no other. That is not a typo. It’s just worth saying twice. This kind of weightlifting seemed to me a miraculous feat that He would only do in “dire” circumstances, but what He showed me this last time is that I can expect this from Him. Every. Single. Time. He will never put more on me than I can bear and if I cry out to Him, He will be there to help me. My prayer now is that in any given day, the Lord will go before me, see my need, and meet me there with provision. He has been faithful to do just that. What He has done for me, He will do for you.
When I look back, I see how often Jesus bore “the weight of whatever it was” for me. The first time it happened, I literally thought I had snapped. I’m so serious. I’ll never forget it. I could not understand how I’d been so heartbroken, burdened, and distraught just the night before but was now awakening with a lighter soul and a new outlook and attitude. I sat on the side of my bed confused as all get out. I asked myself, “Have you gone mad or snapped?” I didn’t understand. Hopefulness had been restored to my soul so much so that I felt light, I could smile and rejoice, and I began that day with music and housecleaning. It was a great day and the heaviness did not return to me for a long while. I was NOT saved then and was ignorant to the ways of the Lord, which is why I didn’t understand but I went with it I came to understand later, that it was the beauty of God’s grace and provision at work in my life.
Oftentimes, we look to other people in various ways to bear the weight of our burdens. God is so good that he often blesses us with people who will listen, support us, and encourage us when we need it or share with us the gift of Godly counsel, but God himself is the best listener and weightlifter that ever existed. When we turn to Him, he lifts our burdens like no other. I could talk on the phone for five hours or send 100 text messages to people everywhere about my emotional problems and still feel heavy when I’m done, OR I can cry out to God from my heart to let Him know the weight is too heavy for me and watch Him take ALL of the weight off of me and restore hope to my soul in a way that only He can. I choose the latter. God has shown me that He can and will do anything for me. He gave me Jesus. He sent Him to carry my weight. Mmmm. My God! If I stay close to Him and rely on Him and stay under His wing, he will provide all of my needs. If I need support for my soul, He will provide the support or remove the need. If I need money, or food or clothes, He will provide them. If I need ANYTHING, He will provide it or he will remove the need. He is not a respecter of persons. He will do it for you too. His love is so great that it is beyond what we can imagine.
Right now, many people, understandably, long to be in relationships/courtships or to get married and have companionship. As a result, we have internet preachers and self-help hustlers pandering to people’s emotional desperation and lonely hearts for views. The truth is that everyone is not going to get married and they need to come to terms with that and let it go, but no one wants to say that. But an even more beautiful truth is this—just because a person isn’t going to be married does not mean all of their needs can’t or won’t be satisfied. In fact, God spoke to us in Philippians, chapter 4 about all of this. This is what the Lord said to me and says to me still when I deal with loneliness and the temptation to finagle my situation to get my own needs met. He says, “Daughter, I move the hearts of men on your behalf. You don’t ever have to do a thing. Bring your heart’s desires to Me and I will tend to them. You don’t have to get into transactional relationships or compromise your integrity or share your treasures with men unwilling to pay the price to Me for your value to have your needs met. Be faithful to me, be obedient, be holy. You can rely on Me. I. WILL. PROVIDE. ALL. OF. YOUR. NEEDS. PERIOD. Although you may long for more, I know what you need and will provide THAT until I see fit to provide more. You will have everything you need—always.” He has kept His word. God has done this for me. I am a witness to Him doing this in my life time and time again. It’s undeniable. James 1:2-4 tells us that at the end of our trials we "lack nothing." That sounds like provision to me.
And isn't that what a good father does? He steps in and says, "My child doesn't have to be put in a particular position, abused, taken advantage of and does not have to compromise or settle to have her/his needs met. I'll take care of his or her needs." Ever since He showed me how valuable I am and trained me to operate like I understand it, nothing has been the same for me relationally. It has been amazing. I look at my situation in wonder at times. It is not always easy, but to be able to discern how God is, for lack of better words, flexing, in my situation is truly amazing to watch. There is no thing or no one He can't handle. It gives me pause to think about how this same revelation would have a great effect on communities at large around the world, but I digress. As for me, I am no longer in a marriage relationship, but every one of my relational needs are met. The Lord meets my needs. He allows my heart’s desires to be satisfied and any need that shall not be filled outside of marriage, He has suppressed into submission. It's simply no longer a need. Whenever my soul seems unfulfilled, unsupported, or unsatisfied and I find that I am unable to push forward in all that I’ve been called to do without support, God comes through like nobody’s business to provide for me. I am speaking from a woman’s perspective here, but in regard to relationships and provision in general, this message can surely bless men and women alike. God will provide what you need relationally and otherwise. It may not always come in the way you want it, but God will provide what you need.
It reminds me of a story a pastor used to tell about how he used to work in a pizza shop or cafeteria when he was young but didn't have much money for food. At the end of the night, the managers had to throw the pizza out to follow the company rules although they knew he could use the food and was in need. They had to place the pizzas in the trash can but placed it so he could easily get to it and retrieve it. God provided for him in a way that was not ideal. I'm sure he would have liked to come by his meal in a better way, but God provided for him nevertheless. He ate and was satisfied.
Draw near and STAY near to the Lord and operate in obedience and holiness. God is consistent and faithful and His instruction, although sometimes hard to follow, is easy to read and to understand. Apply His Word to your life and watch your situation change. Expect your flesh and the enemy to oppose you. Sometimes, it comes down to a simple choice—obey God or obey her, follow God or follow him, obey God or obey my flesh. Obviously, obedience is not necessary for God to provide for our needs. He is faithful even when we are not, but obedience brings on a greater level of blessing, which is why being a good steward over anything He blesses us with yields even greater blessings in that area. Good stewardship is an act of obedience to His word. Much of what we long for is tied to obedience.
Blessings family! I'm about to go out here and hit these wheels! God has blessed us with so many beautiful gifts. I encourage you to go outside and enjoy some of them.