Why Must I Be Like That?...Why Must I Chase the Cat?
| Round 1...Fight! |
Have you ever noticed how men and women talk about sex? I'm referring to the way that today's mainstream society qualifies, defines, and nicknames sex. Many of today's expressions to describe sex sound more like a caged death-match than making love. I want to list a few terms that men and women use, in order to convey my point. Some of these are sensitive, so if you prefer not to read anything explicit, or are struggling with sexual lust, then you may want to use discretion. Many guys (and even some women) use sexual terms and phrases like: hit it, smash, beat it up, beat it out the frame, blow your back out, bang, bone, cut/cutty buddy, dig out, nail, pipe/lay pipe, plow, screw, tap dat, etc. From the woman's perspective, her sexual prowess or vagina are characterized by phrases like: that killer P, that snapper, the ill na na, poison, slay him, kill him, put it on ya, throw it on ya, break you in half, etc.
Let's take a step back and really look at these terms. They leave us with a lot of questions. Why is there such an element of violence and death ingrained in the sexual relations between men and women? Why does there seem to be some sort of power struggle between the two? and quite frankly, Do men and women even like each other? If I were walking down the street and I saw two people talking to each other like this, I'd probably call the police! God designed men and women to function in chemistry, but in the world and in the flesh, we seem to function by competition. What is driving this dynamic?
Thinking back to my worldly days, I never thought twice about these terms. In fact, I even relished in viewing sex through these lenses. It almost came as second nature to me. So let's explore this idea of second nature. A funk artist named George Clinton made a really popular song in 1982 called "Atomic Dog." It was a party song, but he asked an extremely insightful question, "Why must I be like that? Why must I chase the cat?" Then he answered his own question, "It ain't nothin' but the dog in me." Considering how the funk era was, I'm not sure if George Clinton really knew how profound that question was or if he was just high and wanted a great party song. Either way, it's a question that men should ponder and women should examine.
| The Chase |
Throughout mainstream culture, there has been this underlying theme of the man, who is the dog, chasing the female kitty cat. There's this element of conquest, but the dog/kitty conquest isn't rooted in romance and true love. It typically manifests itself as a sexual conquest. It is a thrilling, adrenaline laced hunt that features the aggression and skillfulness of the dog as he tries to conquer the elusiveness and craftiness of the cat. The thrill of this game is that there is something unlawful about it. Deep down, we know that this is not how it was designed to be. It's not the safety and security of meeting a nice person, settling down, meeting their parents, marrying, then making love, and building a family. The chase is a fugitive game designed for those who are brazen enough to play. It's taboo. It's illegal. It's high risk and high reward. It's the thievery of indulging in something that doesn't belong to you, nor do you desire to own. It's forbidden fruit.
This idea of stolen goods is what feeds into the objectification of women. Earlier, we read some of the violent terms used to describe sex. There are other terms that speak to the conquest aspect of the woman's sexuality, such as: the booty, the goodies, the cookies, her milkshake, etc. There is no personification of the woman regarding who she is as a person. These are all treats that the male looks acquire and use for his pleasure. Booty is a term that means plunder or spoils taken from an enemy in war. When a pirate would conquer another ship, he would refer to that ship's treasure as "booty." So, in essence, referring to a woman's booty is speaking to the idea of obtaining an illegal object and capturing her treasure. When God created Eve, he was gifted to Adam. Adam did not have to swindle, strong arm, or manipulate his way into having her. She was a jewel that was created to help him and to be a companion to him as he goes throughout life.
This dog/kitty paradigm is designed to get us to identify with our carnal nature instead of our spiritual nature. This is why when we are in sin, the mentality comes easy and feels like second nature to us. That second nature is the carnal man giving himself or herself over to desires that appeal to the flesh. This sexual battle and tension between men and women is promoted more than a Don King fight. It is all over our imagery, music, movies, fashion, and the like, to stimulate the lusts of the flesh, the lusts of the eyes, and the pride of life. Many people in society buy into this fight. Just like two prize fighters who are training for a championship fight, men and women invest their time, energy, and identity into becoming the victor in this paradigm.
| Finish Him! |
The subconscious motive behind these male/female interactions is man's desire to reclaim dominion, positioning, and authority within the earth and with woman. The fall of man in the garden of Eden resulted in Adam relinquishing his dominion of the earth over to the serpent. In the same manner, Adam demonstrated to Eve that he was too inept to maintain that dominion. From this moment, the world was turned upside down. As time has progressed and the fruit of this chaos (or disorder) has begun to manifest. We now exist in a society where this sexual competition is really a carnal attempt for Adam to reclaim his proper order through sexual dominance.
Of course, women will not relinquish dominion that easy. Adam had it and lost it, so now he has to prove himself. As a result, many of today's women adopt the persona of the sex vixen, the diva goddess, The Queen Bee, The Baddest B****, and The Black Widow. These are the sexual identities of women who not only refuse to submit to a man, but salivate at the idea of exerting dominion over a man. They don't trust a man to lead because he has yet to prove himself to them. So, these women would rather take matters into their own hands. They view the weak, lust filled man simply as a utility, a convenience, and a benchmark to measure her level of power. These are the makings of the power struggle and the fight-to-the-death that we described earlier. Death is the wages of sin, so when men and women speak this way, they are practically saying that, "I am so skilled in my sin and my sexual perversion, that I'm going to literally kill you. When I show you the things I am capable of, through my depravity and how far I'm willing to go, you'll realize that you've met your match."
The fallen man's solution to being positioned back to his proper headship and showing he can lead is by conquering the sex goddess. He has to prove it to her and also himself. This is why the man asks the question during sex, "Who's is this?" He wants to verify that he has taken proper authority over that woman. If he is masterful enough, then he achieves the prize of being referred to as "Daddy" (or "Zaddy" as some women jokingly say today).
The energy of the sex vixen is masculine energy because she is looking for a fight and someone to dominate. This results in the fallen man trying to validate his masculinity and identity by his sexual prowess. Why must he be like that? Why must he chase the cat? George Clinton had it exactly right. It's because the dog in him has grounded his identity in his ability to capture and conquer the cat. Meanwhile, the fallen woman is defining herself by being the catch that a dog pursues. If she's bold enough, she's glorying in her ability to never be tamed by a man who thought he captured her. The black widow thrives in luring a man into her and turning the tables by destroying him and using him for power.
| Vanity of Vanities, All Is Vanity |
The problem with all of this is that there is never any true identity or authority established. True authority and identity comes from God alone. You may be Zaddy in your 20s and 30s, but what happens when you're 50 or 60 years old and no longer have that sexual vitality? You have spent all of your years giving your strength to women, as Proverbs 31 says, and end up having nothing to show for it (or at least nothing constructive). You may have some child support payments or STD's, but nothing substantive. What happens if you are a woman who has founded her identity in her sexiness and you grow older? All of a sudden, a younger, prettier, slimmer, and shapelier kitty cat comes on the scene. You realize that you have wasted many years and emotions chasing an identity that is futile. It's not the life and abundant life that Christ promised, but just a vapor of emptiness. Vanity of Vanities, All is Vanity.
The true solution to this power struggle is to go directly to the power source. Men and women have been trying to figure each other out since the beginning of human history to no avail. There have been attempts ranging from books, to talk shows, to life coaches, to therapy, and I'd be willing to bet, even hypnotism. If we could have figured each other out by now, we would have. The truth is that both men and women have find their identity from God because we were originally created in his image.
A man gets his identity and authority through his relationship with Christ because Christ is eternal. Defining your manhood by your sexual prowess or gift of gab is temporal. In the same manner, a woman must realize that she was created to be a gift to man to benefit and make valuable contributions to his endeavors. She was designed to be his companion and not his competition. God does use sex between a husband and a wife to represent the relationship between the two, but that is only a manifestation of the spiritual authority and government of God's design for mankind. When we adopt these biblical truths, men and women can begin to flow in the chemistry that God established and have genuine respect and love for one another. United we stand. Divided we fall.