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After last night’s SOLID talk, I was inspired to write. Welcome to my thoughts about Godly dating and the “TRADE-OFF.”

What DO we call the relationship between a man and a woman who are getting to know each other’s values and personality— when two people without the benefit of Godly parental preparation and involvement, for the purpose of pursuing marriage, and by talking to each other in public places and perhaps even enjoying a meal together, communicate with each other? What do we call that ? Is laughing together at something humorous during these talks appropriate? Is discussing spiritual and Godly things, without any inappropriate touching or the sexual activity (or energy) between them, ever appropriate? How can we rightfully discern things about a person, especially in THESE days, without sufficiently communicating with them before we marry them? When two people spend time together communicating, before marriage, to learn about each other, what do we call that? What should we call this type of interaction between men and women? Though I only know some basic principles of Christian courtship because I haven’t studied it deeply, I am certain that what’s referenced above is not pure biblical courtship. The world calls it dating, but what I realized from last night’s SOLID talk discussion is that “dating” is a worldly concept and we can’t force that square peg into the round hole of Christian courtship.

By and large, does true Christian courtship still exist, and, if it doesn’t, is God saying (marriage-proper) no longer exists? If it does, please share what that looks like today. I invite further discussion on this. What does the Bible say about Christian courtship? I‘m willing to say that there are many blood-washed Christian men and women who are strictly disqualified from participating in PURE biblical courtship , meaning without modification to any of its tenets, which leads me to this question:

If pure biblical Christian courtship is required before marriage in order for it be ordained by God, who then is eligible for marriage?

Are we willing to declare that biblical marriage the way God intended is rare these days? If so, are we willing to acknowledge that God DOES NOT ordain marriage now if the requirements of biblical courtship cannot be satisfied? Are we willing, as blood-washed believers, to completely let go of the desire for God to bless a marital union and to pray for that desire to be removed from us and then go on about the business of Jesus, solo, until the day of His return? Or, is God’s Grace sufficient for the days we are living in to allow for blood-washed women and men to marry when it is impossible for them to satisfy the requirements of pure biblical courtship based on their station in life? For instance, if a man wasn’t raised and prepared for marriage by a Godly mother or father, does he not qualify to take a wife? Is a blood-washed woman of God not eligible for marriage if she is not a virgin, or doesn’t have a godly father, or ANY father for that matter, to give her as a wife? What if her father is a criminal and her mother is an alcoholic and she is the first one in her family to be saved? Would she be able to participate in pure biblical courtship?

Brother Greg JOKINGLY said some things about it being made clear to him who he should choose as a wife by seeing certain signs. Unfortunately, many Christian men, out of fear of choosing wrong, really do take a similar stance. In essence, they want their wives to find THEM and to make themselves known (in a Holy and Christian way of course) although that contradicts biblical instruction and supports feminism. A godly woman won’t act in such a way as to make herself conspicuous. She is a treasure that must be found, emphasis on found. She lives in service of the Lord and she is doing the work that God has given her hands to do in her family and community. She’s operating in her gifts and anointing and minding her business, LOL. The man that God sends will find her, but he will find her BUSY, period. She’ll be serving God in a number of ways and not focused on being found and she will be taking all of her desires to God in prayer and enjoying her time with the Lord.

I’ll close with my advice to Christian singles. Take it for what it’s worth:

Enjoy your time with the Lord because He enjoys the time of fellowship He has with you during your singleness. He revealed this to me recently and it just blessed my heart so much. Serve the Lord faithfully and guard your heart as to not get pulled into any of the “we got vibes” situations that brother Greg was talking about. Discernment and wisdom can help us to steer clear of the effects of that type of entanglement. If we are interacting appropriately with someone of the opposite sex, ending or limiting communication with them should feel something like it felt when your best friend took her doll and went home after a disagreement in elementary school. It should not be hard. If it IS difficult, we need to be intentional about doing the work of figuring out what’s at the root of our thirst and hunger and seek healing or deliverance, or both. We should be so grounded and centered in Christ that the rejection of humans has little to no sting in situations like this. It should not be a crushing or an extremely difficult experience if your'e faced with having to end communication with a proper friend of the opposite sex. If it IS difficult, then we are not ready for marriage and we probably went into the friendship with ulterior motives to begin with. It’s a sign that we are still looking for someone to save our aching soul. I’ve been there. I’m thankful now that every single part of my soul has been saved and set apart for HIS good use. Man cannot destroy this. It’s a good good place. Seek God in prayer, for hours if you must. Don’t let go until He blesses you with wholeness and confidence and security IN HIM. My God. People can tell when our souls are needy and they sometimes take advantage of it. (I was sent back to add that part. That’s for somebody.)

Loneliness is not a good experience. I get it. The feeling of loneliness is something that I deal with at times, but, with God, those feelings are fleeting. They don’t last.

We all have to make a judgment call for ourselves regarding the trade-off that brother Greg discussed. The plain truth is that FEAR, with a capital F, is what keeps many of us, including me, from venturing into the territory of “godly communication with a possible future spouse.” There is a SIGNIFICANT amount of fear of giving up the peace, security, undisturbed and unrestricted fellowship with God, whose decisions regarding me are ALWAYS correct, and whose motives toward me are ALWAYS pure, to put myself in the hands of a flawed human being, albeit a Christian human being. Considering that “trade-off is something serious.

Share what you’re thinking below! If you have a biblical/historical understanding of pure Christian courtship, I really want to hear from you. I’m interested now. My ears are wide open. 👂🏽

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