Spiritual Miscarriages and Abortions (I WILL...)
Welcome to my inner court...
You know what gets on my nerves... when I see people eat chicken wings and leave meat on the bones. That is so disrespectful! I have a friend who's notorious for this. He eats like a Great Dane dog, but when it comes to wings, he leaves so much meat on the bones. Seriously, a whole chicken died and someone slaved over a stove, and you have the nerve not to finish.
| The Get Around |
Last year, I bought a bike to get a little exercise. I assembled most of it the very first day. Then, I got to the breaks and tires and decided to stop. I didn't understand the breaks right away and didn't feel like trying to figure it out. Putting air in the tires wasn't as easy as I thought it would be, so I left that alone too. I figured I'd get around to it one day. That bike has been sitting in my living room for over a year now.
In that same living room, I have a carpet that covers a missing section of hardwood floor. The floor wasn't always that way. I had purchased a car battery online and expected the retailer to install it. They told me they couldn't install it because my battery was in the trunk of my car and not the front. So, I installed the battery myself, and brought the old battery in the house until I could dispose of it. I knew it couldn't be thrown away like regular trash, so I decided to keep it until I got around to taking it to the proper facility.
I ended up sitting the battery on the carpet in my living room floor. Over time, I noticed my carpet starting to fray and I didn't understand why. I just figured I had bought a cheap carpet. I saw that the carpet was getting worse, so I gave it a closer look. Apparently, the battery started leaking acid. The acid went through the carpet and started seeping into the hardwood floor. I had no idea how deep the acid went, so I removed that portion of the floor to be on the safe side. I put the battery in a plastic bag and left it at a car repair shop like an abandoned child. This happened about three or four years ago and that hole is still in my floor.
The good news is that my car has been running fine ever since. Unfortunately, it doesn't look as good as it runs. I don't drive my car much. I commute to work and it sits in the driveway most days. Since I wasn't driving it, I figured that I didn't really have to wash it. I'd think about washing it sometimes, but I would say to myself, "Eh, I'll get around to it eventually." Well, eventually, I noticed that the roof of my car began to get discolored. Apparently, the sun was so intense with my car sitting in the same spot, that it began to fade my roof.
But back to the living room... In that same living room is fingerprint dust that the police left on my window that I have yet to clean up. You see, someone broke into my house a few weeks ago while I was at work. They came right through the window that I left open because I was being cheap and not running the AC. They went into my bedroom and found my safe, which was in the most predictable spot, under the bed. Then, then they took about $6,000 out of my safe because I was lazy and used to keep it unlocked for easy access.
I'm convinced that not having blinds up and people being able to see into my house contributed to the burglary. See, I got some new windows installed a couple of years ago. They pushed the windows back and I wanted to do some finishing and painting before putting my blinds back up. My mom presses me out every now and then about putting them back up, and I always tell her that I'll get around to it. Well, looking back on it, the cash that I lost from not getting around to it in time was enough to have just hired someone to do the blinds in the first place...and the car... and the floor... and the bike.
You see, it took me a long time to get this, but as I reflect on these examples and my life, I realize that there is a cost that comes with laziness. Slothfulness is a sin and the wages of sin is death. And there are no exemptions to this rule.
| You Gonna Finish That? |
These examples along with other things have made me realize that there is something within me that does not like to finish. I'll be working on a project for the Lord and get through about 80 or even 90% of it and not finish the rest. I don't know what this is, but I know it is spiritual. In my mind, I refer to it as the "spirit of incompletion." All I do know is that it's a mix of laziness, procrastination, distraction, and fear.
I have so many projects that the Lord has give me that I have not yet produced. It's to the point where I am becoming totally disgusted with ideas. Ideas are concepts that have not yet been realized. They are sitting in the queue and just taking up space as they all fight for the chance to come out first, leaving none of them successful. They are imaginary until they actually come to fruition. I'm tired of ideas, and I believe the Lord is as well.
The Lord sees all of these projects that I have not finished like a plate of chicken wings with meat still left on the bones. Much like the chicken that had to die and the person laboring over the stove, it shows even less gratitude considering the sacrifice that Jesus made. I get so far along, and then end up setting it aside before it's completed. I realize that something or someone is tangibly working against me to ensure that I don't birth these projects.
| From Start to Finish |
Many moms will tell you that the first and last months of pregnancy are the hardest. I realize that this is a universal principal. When I'm lifting weights or working out, the first and last reps are the hardest for me. I drop to the ground to do push ups and it's a struggle to get that first one off the ground. I have to mentally push myself to muster up the effort to start. After that, I find a rhythm, but then fatigue sets in and I struggle to hit my target. I see this same cycle play out with my writings, my songs, my projects, and even losing weight. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and think, "man, I would look great if I could just lose another 10 or 15 pounds." But for some reason, those last 10 or 15 pounds are always the toughest.
When the mother is ready to deliver her baby, the main thing they tell her is to push. The only way to birth anything significant is to push. The spiritual saying for PUSH is "Pray Until Something Happens." This is the only way I will be able to manifest the things that the Lord has placed in me. We have to push because there is resistance against us.
Honestly, I don't know if it's the devil or if it's me, but I do know that something is working hard to make sure I don't birth these projects. I'm not sure if we want to call them miscarriages or abortions, but that's what it happening. The enemy is perfectly content with incomplete projects. He'll let you get far along, but will fight you the hardest when you're near the finish line. More distractions will be sent your way. More confusion of not knowing what to work on first or where to begin. More fear of not feeling like you're adequate enough to complete it. More intimidation of how much work you'll have to put in to be successful. More lies that tell you that you have all the time in the world to get around to it. All of these are the unhealthy toxins that come to abort what God wants to birth out of us.
This epiphany has fueled me to fight harder and push harder to live out my full purpose. I read the Proverbs every day, and the scriptures about slothfulness are sobering. I'm haunted by the parable of the talents and the one guy who didn't produce from what the Lord gave him. People probably look at me and say that I produce a lot, but I know that there is so much more that the Lord wants to squeeze out of me. Now that I know that something has been in operation to stop God's purpose for my life, I am determined.
I know I can't be that lazy because one of my favorite things to do is cut the grass. It's peaceful. It's rewarding. I love getting outside and listening to God. I love the finished product. If only I could treat everything like I treat cutting the grass. The problem is that cutting the grass does not save souls, so the devil won't fight me on that. He is coming against those things that advance the kingdom of God. The Lord has blessed me with so much. I have talent. I have resources. I have motivation. The only thing that has been lacking is my WILL. When my will lines up with God's will, that's when God's plan will be brought to life.